Beautiful Hallucinations
by ChocoChick87
Summary: When Lucca discovers that she can pick up on thought patterns via her helmet, she finds someone to occupy her time now that Crono and Marle are married. Prequel to PAG: Blueberry Panic. Rated T just to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

Welcome to Beautiful Hallucinations! I'm not sure if this even really qualifies as fanfiction, since it was originally written as a documentary. Yes, that means everything in it actually happened to me. You are proabably wondering how. I suffer from psychosis, which is a form of schitzophrenia. I hear voices, see things, and sometimes can even reach out and touch my hallucinations. Yes, the experience seems quite real, almost like lucid dreaming. And oftentimes, it can be quite pleasurable. Beautiful, even...

Welcome to my mind. I hope you enjoy your stay.

* * *

_Chapter 1: October 2008, My Grandparents home, Provo, UT_

It all started with the helmet.

That absurd, padded-turtle, pseudo sci-fi helmet, complete with antenna.

The helmet she so laboriously and lovingly crafted over a three year period, and which took me about two months to replicate in Foamies and Sculpey and fabric with a coat-hanger antenna.

I remember first looking up her character profile before I launched into Chrono Trigger. I took one look at the official artwork, cocked my head for a few seconds, then laughed out loud. Laughed because she was- there was no other word for it- dorky. Cute, yes, but dorky. That helmet! And those glasses! Neither of them did anything for her. I shook my head, grinning, and went back to my e-mail. Nerd.

Little did I know that I would start using that word as a term of endearment and admiration instead of mockery and bewilderment.

Soon I was caught up in the Chrono Trigger game. I sat transfixed in front of my grandparents computer for hours on end, mesmerized by the music, savoring the storyline, captivated by the characters. Maybe it wasn't the best thing for an aspiring LMT to do, but my grandparents never seemed to notice. However, there was someone else who did…

I've been psychotic for most of my life, so it didn't surprise me when a new presence in my mind began taking notes in my classes, too. However, massage techniques and chi meridians didn't seem to interest it. It was MY thought processes that interested this being. The mundane, daily facets of my life. I had become a specimen of life in another dimension. A guinea pig. Or, most appropriately, a science project. She was, after all, a scientist.

So, for the fun of it, I began throwing out tidbits of information she might find interesting. A remix of Pachabell's Canon in D played by Bond. ("It's TECHNO music, Lucca. Get it? TECHNO." "Very funny. Give me a moment to record your transmission.") A view of the valley as my bus pulled up a steep hill, including the major landmarks. The way the digestive system worked or neurons transmitted information. Random factiods. She ate it all up, but it was with more interest in the information than in myself. I was, after all, just the science project. It was the data that was important.

One day I had to ask the inevitable question, "How?"

"It was the helmet."

"Oh?"

"It was originally designed to pick up the basic thought patterns of monsters, so I would be able to predict when they were going to attack. I was tinkering with it and…"

"I see. So I'm under observation now."

"Yes."

"Your science project."

"…You don't have to put it that way."

"But that's the way it is. You don't care."

"Yes I do. I'm just…busy."

"Too busy to care."

"Will you just…shut it?!"

But I didn't shut it. This was a sore point for me. I hated this intrusion on my privacy, on my personal space. On my LIFE. I couldn't even break wind without someone taking note of it, for Pete's sake! It was humiliating!

I remember telling my best friend Danielle around October last year, when we were making our first futile attempts at cosplay. I was perched in an old recliner in the basement, watching her as she hemmed her Cait Sith cape. "She treats me like a test subject," I explained. "It just makes me so ANGRY!"

To which Danielle replied, "Geez! Tell her to mind her own business," and went back to hemming the cape.

Neither the cosplay nor the advice went very far, both of which seemed at the time to be unfortunate. But in the long run it turned out for the best. I could have ruined the start of one of the greatest friendships I've ever had.

What I didn't know at the time was that MiyaYoshi and all the other fan fiction authors I had yet to discover were right: Lucca was losing two of her closest friends…to the kingdom and to each other. What the rest of the kingdom saw as a new beginning and the birth of a new era, Lucca saw as the end of good times and the death of her childhood. Farewell Crono…no longer my childhood friend and supporter, but King of Guardia and Marle's husband. Goodbye, Marle…no more staying up late at night talking girl talk and discussing the things I never could discuss with Crono. I hope you enjoy having him all to yourself, Queen Nadia. No wonder Lucca was so prickly. No wonder she needed a diversion. No wonder she could have used a friend…


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter 2: November 2008 My Grandparents home, Provo, UT_

It all happened so suddenly. I had never been home sick from the Utah College of Massage Therapy before. I had been praying my mental health would never be an issue, like it had at BYU. But there I was in the shower, alone, naked and vulnerable when a malevolent presence approached me.

"Honestly, Lucca, I can understand being observed while I'm having a massage but while I'm the SHOWER?!"

"Ah, yes, your little friends. How they do bother you…"

Suddenly I was scared. This was definitely not Lucca. I had never met this being before. But I didn't want to let my fear show.

"What business is it of yours? And who ARE you?"

"I can solve your problems. I can make the voices all go away"

"Hah. That makes a LOT of sense seeing as YOU'RE a voice!"

"You don't believe me? Perhaps a demonstration is in order."

"Aiiiieeyah!" With a wild cry, a shurukin sliced down from the heavens, piercing the dark being. Yuffie Kisaragi dropped to the ground beside me, my longtime companion and friend since I was sixteen. Lately I hadn't seen much of her, but she always came when she sensed danger…or maybe she was just looking for a fight.

"Mel, are you okay?"

"Yeah…but I told you to stay out of my head…!"

"I know, we agreed that was the best thing for both of us, but I also agreed I would protect you." Then addressing the phantom before us, she demanded, "What do you want from her?!"

In answer, part of the darkness reached out and enclosed Yuffie within it, drawing her inside it and away from me. The shurukin clattered to the ground.

"Melanie, help!" She writhed and struggled, arms pinned to her sides.

"Hahaha…if you won't let me make them go away, I'll simply TAKE them!" the Voice declared.

It contracted and Yuffie gave a wordless wail of pain. I instinctively reached for her and was brushed away like a fly…but in that contact, that simple brush…

A cold black explosion blotting out my vision…

A roaring in my ears…

Dizziness, vertigo…

And…

PAIN

Like a knife to the chest, something was causing shooting, stabbing pain right through my heart. Never before had I experienced physical pain as part of a hallucination. I was terrified beyond words. Whatever this being was, it had powers I had never encountered.

Then it all disappeared and I was back in the shower, shivering violently despite the warm water pouring down my back, giving little, hiccupping, dry sobs as I realized…Yuffie was gone. I couldn't contact her, couldn't even sense her presence in my mind. It was as though she had been erased from existence. Wasn't this what I wanted? part of me asked. NO! the rest of me responded with such vehemence that I actually burst into tears at the thought. "Forgive me, Father," I cried , huddled in my little corner of the shower. "I don't have the strength to let them go just yet…Please, just give me the strength to stand up and go on with my day…!"

Somehow I got toweled off, dressed, and managed to call in sick to the school before collapsing into bed again. I don't remember clearly what happened during the rest of the day, except that I had to tell a very concerned grandmother that I wasn't feeling well while giving the vaguest of explanations.

That night though, while curled up in in bed, dreading the next day (or more specifically, my next shower) and trying not to relive my previous one, I felt Lucca awkwardly approach me. Curled on her right side in her bed, she refused to look me in the eyes as she said, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I was a coward back there."

"Oh…?

"I ran and hid while Yuffie stood and fought. And now she's… she could have been killed! And I did nothing." Suddenly she was sobbing.

Miss Battle-Hardened Yuffie had always termed me a "softie." Truth was, I never could stand to see other people suffer. That's part of the reason why I became a LMT. And a person in tears…well, I absolutely can't tolerate that. I have to take action. And I did.

Before I knew what I was doing I had drawn her close and she was crying into my shoulder while I stroked her hair. "It's okay."

"No it's not! I treat you like this and you forgive me?"

"Yes."

" Do you really mean that?"

I thought about it seriously. I had once heard the same words from a certain ninja. My answer had been the same then.

"Yes," I repeated. "Yes I do."


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: I know that this isn't a complete chapter, but I included it so you could get an idea of the transition that is happening here. This work is currently under construction, and some parts were written before others, so please, pardon the construction!_

* * *

_Section 3: November 2008-February 2009_

From then on, I was more than just a science experiment.

When I shared my music, she wanted to know WHY I liked it, not just who composed it and what period of history it was from.

When I showed her a view of the valley, she wanted to know where I'd been and what I'd done there, not just the landmarks.

When I told her about the digestive system or neurons, she admitted she hadn't studied much human anatomy and agreed and body systems were much more interesting than memorizing muscle groups.

The monitoring became less constant and intense. Overall, that is. It gradually became less intrusive on the embarassing things and more focused on the things I did want to share. Eventually it was official: We were friends. It was a funny relationship; the observer drawing support from the observed, but it worked.

She was there to kick my butt when I didn't study, and to give me props whenever I aced a test. As usual, she consumed every scrap of information I gave her, but this time more vorcariously than ever. She had a sincere interest in my life.


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: This skips ahead quite a bit. This portion is actually intended to be chapter five or thereabouts, but I figured I would put it in for the clarity of the Blueberry Panic fans. Don't worry, I will go back and fill in the gaps and do some character development. I just happen to be very busy ATM working with three stories...like I said, pardon the construction!_

_October 5, 2009_

It was a night like any other. Well, maybe not exactly like any other. There were a few factors that set it apart. Danielle had just gone home from her latest "kidnapping" a few days previously. I had run out of birth control pills, but thought little of it. Lucca had been getting more and more emotional lately. I thought it was because she was having her period, or perhaps it was a reflection and magnification of my own inner worries. I didn't know these feeling were about to climax in a most stunning way.

She was crying on my shoulder as I stroked her hair, just like she had so long ago. Once again she was condemning herself. This time though, she clung to me with no reservations. I was worried; the sobs wracked her body as she clutched at my shirt. Trying my best to comfort her, I said, "You may be a genius, but you have a heart much bigger than your brain."

"Oooooh, Melanie…." she moaned, then stopped crying. "Do you really mean that?"

There was no hesitation on my part. "Yes. Yes, I do."

"You're (sniffle) so sweet (sniffle). I don't deserve a friend like you."

"You got one anyway."

Finally she was silent, content for the moment to just snuggle. I curled my right arm around the back of her head and rested my chin on top. I was just falling asleep when she flinched and gave a low moan.I hugged her tighter. "What's the matter?"

She sighed. "Nothing."

I closed my eyes again but after a few seconds she continued. "It's not real enough."

"Not real enough?" Even then my sleepy brain had an inkling of what she meant, but I was complacent enough not to acknowledge it.

"I want…I want what you and Danielle have."

"Are you jealous of us?"

"I just want…more."

She was silent again, and I began to resume dozing. Then,

"Shall I seduce you?"

I snorted in response. It was a fairly routine question between me and Danielle; a little "game" we liked to play just because it was so utterly ridiculous. We would make up the dorkiest pickup lines we could , and then try to deadpan our way through them as we crawled on top of each other. We never succeeded; we would both end up laughing as one collapsed in a heap on top of the other and then quote each others pick up lines and laugh some more.

Thus I regarded her question with some flippancy. "I'd like to see you try."

Almost immediately I regretted it. There was something deadly serious in the way she climbed on top of me, no corny pickup lines, no laughter. As her body settled on top of mine little red flags went up. I was tingling all over, especially in my unmentionable areas. I flushed but some instinct held me still as she came to rest with her head on my shoulder. After a half a minute though, she gave a disappointed sigh and slid off to the left again.

I recovered myself, resumed lying on my side and reached out to snuggle her again. She complied, but almost immediately I heard her wonder, "What if I…?"

Suddenly she was leaning over me. Then I felt a warm, firm pressure against my lips. It felt…good? Yes, good! Wonderful! I leaned into it and was almost kissing back when reality hit me like a brick wall.

"WHAT AM I DOING?!!!" I reeled back, shocked and stunned. Turning over onto my back, I cringed away from what had previously been so tempting.

"I'm sorry!" Lucca was frantic. She dove off the bed, ran into her bathroom and returned with a clean washcloth. She dabbed at my lips with it, as though she could wipe away the memory of what she'd done. All the while she repeated her mantra of "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

I finally curled up on my right side, cringing away from her. "Enough! Just…go to sleep…" I muttered. Though how this was going to work neither of us knew. We were both emotionally shattered and needed someone to hold on to…but that someone repelled us like a polar magnet. All I know is that my mind gradually numbed, and as I curled up into an even smaller ball, shaking, it shut down and delivered me into the oblivion of sleep.


End file.
